Extreme Mentalising
Here’s the thing. One of the many tedious paradoxes of BPD is that the more we need to have our wits, and minds, about us, the quicker they head for the hills. Or if we’re in the hills, woooosh, they’re racing straight off for the valleys.
It’s a double-whammy of our being disproportionately sensitive to stress and exceptionally, pathologically unable to respond in a calm, rational, mentalising manner. The best way I’ve found of describing the state our brains get into was provided by a wonderful Ausie educator I’ve become pals with, Andrew Mowat. His website www.andrewmowat.comhas the great strapline … changing the world one brain at a time …
Andrew introduced me to the concept of Red Zone and Blue Zone. Andrew explains these as:
“The Red Zone, largely associated with the amygdala and the limbic system, is responsive to things that trigger a 'survival' reaction. Inputs that trigger this system include fear, anxiety, ambiguity, unfairness, not being listened to and rejection amongst others. It is the part of the brain that causes us to take a strong self orientation.
The Blue Zone, largely identifying the prefrontal cortex of the brain, can be thought of as the adaptive brain, where the higher-order thinking occurs. It is the part of the brain that makes us human and socially oriented.”
We’re in the Red Zone when something (or more usually someone!) stresses us out and we go into a state of panic or overwhelmedness. When describing this state to a person I trust, I’ll describe me ‘over-reacting’ and am always reassured when my therapist translates this back to me as my being ‘overwhelmed’. I can’t think straight at all, and this mind-freeze is invariably accompanied by self-destructive compulsions. Andrew’s description of being in the Red Zone is easier to remember and less pretentious than muttering about my bloody amygdala seizing control of my brain department.
The art is to get out of the anarchy, misery and half-wittedness of the Red Zone and into the serene(r) problem-solving treasure chest of our Blue Zone. Much much easier said than done. This is where extreme mentalising comes in.
I’ve been taught dozens of constructive techniques for easing myself out of the Red Zone, and invented a bunch of wacky ones which occasionally help. Lots of these are in the feature on creativity. But when the going has gone waaay past tough, we need to have easy physical and mental access to extreme techniques. Extremely healthy, unself-punishing, extremely mentalising techniques.
Here’s the extreme mentalising I know I should do when I’m in the Red Zone and which very occasionally I do manage to get it together to do.
If I get as far as the Rainbow Zone, I then need to remember that I’ve got my ‘coping with a crisis list’. Sometimes I don’t remember this, but can bring to mind one of the options on it, which tends to be the voice recording I’ve got of my therapist reassuring me that these intense feelings will pass. Mainly, though, these are too elusive. Another BPD paradox – when I most need the resources I’ve got, I’m in too bad a state to mentally access them.
But just in case any of the following are of any help to anyone else, here’s what’s on my coping with a crisis list. Yes, some of it is in Hebrew! The heading is from the Bible and although I’m irredeemably secular, for some reason this phrase resonates with and can sometimes soothe me. Bayit Chai is the Hebrew for the House of Life which is a visualization technique I try to use. It’s an imaginary house I’ve created, incredibly beautiful, sort of Californian Japanese, overlooking the ocean, with everything from a chocolate room (complete, of course, with chocolate fountain and accoutrements) to fun rooms for my foster sons Eddie and Matthew (infinite windmills and noise-bellowing toys for Matthew and Michael Jackson paraphernalia for Eddie).
It’s a double-whammy of our being disproportionately sensitive to stress and exceptionally, pathologically unable to respond in a calm, rational, mentalising manner. The best way I’ve found of describing the state our brains get into was provided by a wonderful Ausie educator I’ve become pals with, Andrew Mowat. His website www.andrewmowat.comhas the great strapline … changing the world one brain at a time …
Andrew introduced me to the concept of Red Zone and Blue Zone. Andrew explains these as:
“The Red Zone, largely associated with the amygdala and the limbic system, is responsive to things that trigger a 'survival' reaction. Inputs that trigger this system include fear, anxiety, ambiguity, unfairness, not being listened to and rejection amongst others. It is the part of the brain that causes us to take a strong self orientation.
The Blue Zone, largely identifying the prefrontal cortex of the brain, can be thought of as the adaptive brain, where the higher-order thinking occurs. It is the part of the brain that makes us human and socially oriented.”
We’re in the Red Zone when something (or more usually someone!) stresses us out and we go into a state of panic or overwhelmedness. When describing this state to a person I trust, I’ll describe me ‘over-reacting’ and am always reassured when my therapist translates this back to me as my being ‘overwhelmed’. I can’t think straight at all, and this mind-freeze is invariably accompanied by self-destructive compulsions. Andrew’s description of being in the Red Zone is easier to remember and less pretentious than muttering about my bloody amygdala seizing control of my brain department.
The art is to get out of the anarchy, misery and half-wittedness of the Red Zone and into the serene(r) problem-solving treasure chest of our Blue Zone. Much much easier said than done. This is where extreme mentalising comes in.
I’ve been taught dozens of constructive techniques for easing myself out of the Red Zone, and invented a bunch of wacky ones which occasionally help. Lots of these are in the feature on creativity. But when the going has gone waaay past tough, we need to have easy physical and mental access to extreme techniques. Extremely healthy, unself-punishing, extremely mentalising techniques.
Here’s the extreme mentalising I know I should do when I’m in the Red Zone and which very occasionally I do manage to get it together to do.
- Pausing. This is somehow more accessible (or less inaccessible) than the concept of stopping. Almost by definition, without pausing, we continue the mangled mind-state. But it can’t be underestimated just how difficult it is to apply our mental brakes.
- Breathing. Ideally slowly and deeply as this has a disproportionately beneficial physiological and then emotional impact. But even just being aware of our breathing helps the process of calming.
- Telling myself I’m in the Red Zone. Again, disproportionately helpful as it at least alerts me to the fact that I’m having an ‘intense’ (not yet recognizable as wildly excessive) reaction to whatever’s upset me. And on a good day I can then progress to…
- Going into the Rainbow Zone. This is a little invention of mine, designed because at this stage I don’t want to confront the reality of what’s going on by being in the Blue Zone. I can do or go where I want in my head in the Rainbow Zone, as it’s a transitional phase between extreme distress, overwhelmedness, panic and returning to calm, rationality and problem solving. As a rainbow is quite a celestial and visual concept, I usually let my brain have a bit of a wander around clouds and sunshine, and try to take in a few birds and hot air balloons while I’m up there.
If I get as far as the Rainbow Zone, I then need to remember that I’ve got my ‘coping with a crisis list’. Sometimes I don’t remember this, but can bring to mind one of the options on it, which tends to be the voice recording I’ve got of my therapist reassuring me that these intense feelings will pass. Mainly, though, these are too elusive. Another BPD paradox – when I most need the resources I’ve got, I’m in too bad a state to mentally access them.
But just in case any of the following are of any help to anyone else, here’s what’s on my coping with a crisis list. Yes, some of it is in Hebrew! The heading is from the Bible and although I’m irredeemably secular, for some reason this phrase resonates with and can sometimes soothe me. Bayit Chai is the Hebrew for the House of Life which is a visualization technique I try to use. It’s an imaginary house I’ve created, incredibly beautiful, sort of Californian Japanese, overlooking the ocean, with everything from a chocolate room (complete, of course, with chocolate fountain and accoutrements) to fun rooms for my foster sons Eddie and Matthew (infinite windmills and noise-bellowing toys for Matthew and Michael Jackson paraphernalia for Eddie).
"This too shall pass" גם זה יעבור
Yes, it’s horrible. But you usually feel better in an hour or so. .
I can’t think clearly at the moment, but will be able to when I'm out of the red zone.
First try:
· Going into the rainbow zone - mindemptiness
· Going into Bayit Chai
· Accepting the moment. Accepting how I am right now, including the paralysis, or distress or panic. I don’t need to panic. I’m fine, I’m just rooted to the spot (or whatever). I’ll deal with things in a moment. They can wait.
· Mentalising – I’ve got the strength to cope with this. I’ve done this before.
Techniques/strategies:
· mapping out my immediate surroundings. If I’m out, logging who’s standing at the bus-stop, number plates, who’s walking past. If I’m inside, what’s in front of me, what’s on the walls, what am I wearing.
· visualising places/times when I felt the opposite of what I now feel
o in Israel or Costa Rica,
o in a state where I’m not in crisis, or other time when v stressed but coping
o Matthew ruffling my hair
o Matthew in bed at 11.15PM, recording his ‘snoring’ into his toy parrot and laughing and laughing
· i-pod therapy
· Watch soothing DVD (eg Libera)
· Online retail therapy
· Jigzone.com
· Grooming or stroking Buddy
More ambitiously…
· Identifying feelings
· And the feelings underneath those feelings
· Try to find one even vaguely humorous side of the situation
· Try to imagine the smallest significance and impact of what's happened eg in what, even very hypothetical, circumstances could what's happened not feel so terrible? Might there be a very 'harmless' or even reassuring explanation for what's happened?
· It's incredibly hard, but try to remember that when a crisis passes, I ALWAYS feel that I got things seriously out of perspective.
· Summarise what’s happened in less than 10 words. Then try putting “It’s only that….”. Or “So what?” “Nu?” “Whatever!”
· Have I acted with integrity?
· Have I done the best I can under the circumstances?
· What's going on for the other person at the moment? Difficult stuff with work, home, health? Is it at least possible that their behaviour which I find overwhelming in fact has nothing to do with me?
· How would Anthony or Patrick respond? What sort of things might they say to the person? How culpable would they feel?
· Does what's happened harm Matthew or Eddie in any way?
· Does it affect Star Ward's viability? It's effectiveness?
If suicidal
· Listen to Anthony’s recording
Speak to someone
· Ring Samaritans
· If all else fails, contact Patrick or Anthony. (Remember can contact Anthony by email if out-of-hours)
