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My quality of life has been transformed since I got cable TV. So many amazing programmes ranging from the classically magnificent (the David Attenborough oeuvre) to the serendipitous joys of Pimp Your Ride and Ace of Cakes.


But in addition to these TV channels, I’ve got another one which I didn’t sign up for, have no control over and pay for emotionally rather than by standing order. It’s my very own inbuilt SBC. Suicide Broadcast Channel. It drives me completely nuts, switching itself on without warning and at the most inconvenient times. Blasting out its very limited and insistent message that I’ve got to kill myself. I actually don’t need any additional encouragement in that direction, because despite the quality of my ‘real life’ being very high, I can’t climb out of the suicidal canyon I’m stuck in. What helps when I’m trying to cope with the canyon is a beautiful, soothing soundtrack (eg uplifting choral music) or something fun and mobilising (the livelier Queen tracks.)

 What doesn’t help is bloody SBC frequently switching itself on and demanding I kill myself.